European Soccer Is Loaded With American Kids Ready To Tear Shit Up

American wonderteen Christian Pulisic will begin his march to the 2019 Ballon d’Or this weekend when Borussia Dortmund open their Bundesliga season against RB Leipzig. It’s hard to believe that ...
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Soccer Fan Takes A Ball To The Dome And Handles It Like A Champ

I don’t know about you but if my unsuspected skull had just gotten blown the hell up by a flying soccer ball, I wouldn’t have reacted with half the poise ...
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Antoine Griezmann To Carlos Vela: Wait For Me At LAFC

Atleticó Madrid pulled off an upset on Wednesday in taking down crosstown rival Real Madrid 4-2 to bring home the UEFA Super Cup. After the game, Atleticó’s star forward Antoine ...
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New Marketing Deal Will Bring Regular Season La Liga Match To The U.S.

After years of seeing meaningful games from our own major sports shipped abroad by the greedy leagues that control them, U.S. sports fans are about to find themselves on the ...
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Only Art Modell Can Save The Columbus Crew From Relocating Now

Columbus Crew SC, in conjunction with MLS czar Don Garber, has crossed one of the final checkpoints in their plan to move the team to Austin as early as next ...
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Andrés Iniesta Has Moved To Japan And Become A Golazo-Scoring Fiend

They say you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. They also say there is always one exception that proves any given rule. I don’t really know what to do with ...
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Liverpool’s Low-Key Smashing Of West Ham Was A Statement Of Intent

The first game of a season that for the first time in forever feels like it might end with the long-awaited Premier League title. A match against, on paper, one ...
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New Madrid Keeper Thibault Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos

Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibault Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst onto the La Liga scene to challenge the duopoly of ...
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The Best Dribbler In The World Is Back In The Premier League

The best, most unstoppable dribbler in world soccer will be playing in the Premier League this season. Though it’s probably not the player you think.Read more ...
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Extremely Not-Desperate Chelsea Break The Bank To Sign Their Second-Choice Keeper

The very gloomy outlook for Chelsea’s upcoming Premier League season just got a little bit brighter, albeit at a hefty cost. The Blues welcomed a new goalkeeper to the club ...
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Steven Gerrard Translates English Into English For English-Speaking Player

The one in which Rangers’ English manager Steven Gerrard (yes, that Steven Gerrard) translates the Scottish press’s English into English so that his new Croatian defender, Nikola Katić, can understand ...
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Soccer On American TV Is Going Straight To A Fiery, Paywalled Hell

Back in the golden age of soccer TV in the U.S.—think back, if you were lucky enough to be there for them, to those naive, innocent, halcyon days of 2016—America ...
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